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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25743865">Apologies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/meradorm/pseuds/meradorm'>meradorm</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:55:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25743865</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/meradorm/pseuds/meradorm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>No, I will never get sick of post-Muddler's-marriage angst.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Joxaren | The Joxter/Rådd-djuret | The Muddler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Apologies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>"I'm not avoiding him," said the Joxter lazily. He was lying on his back in the sun, chewing on a wheat stalk. "It's just I'm awfully bored of the festivities."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You haven't been participating in the festivities at all," Moomin pointed out.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well, perhaps I've had enough over the course of my lifetime. Besides, when would I talk to him? When he's not shaking hands with everyone he's busy with his new wife."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"He's always made time for you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Joxter was dangerously silent. Moomin decided he'd better leave.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Not long after the Muddler came running up the hill. By then the Joxter was sitting with his head pressed to his knees. He didn't see the Muddler until he sat down next to him, otherwise he would have found a casual way to stroll seawards until the Muddler couldn't catch up.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What's wrong?" the Muddler asked, sounding fretful. "Do you have a stomachache?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I know of a man whose heart got broken and every day he got a stomachache, for the rest of his short life," said the Joxter, into his knees.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Muddler put his hand between his shoulder blades and asked quietly: "Is that what happened to you?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Joxter lifted his head up and just stared at him with his wild ocean eyes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm sorry," said the Muddler. "I knew. I always knew. You were always sticking up for me, and...I didn't want to ask you, though...in case I was wrong..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You weren't wrong." </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Joxter turned away and looked out at the hills.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Muddler followed his gaze. They were disappearing into the nighttime, and crickets were starting to call. But parts of the sky were still gold.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Why didn't *you* say anything, then?" the Muddler asked.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Because you are so fragile," the Joxter told him. "I didn't want to scare you. I wanted to find a way to treat you tenderly. It just never came to me. I always expected it would...sooner or later." </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm sorry."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's not your fault."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Muddler sighed and rested his temple against the Joxter's shoulder.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm still sorry."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Why should you be? You're happy with your new wife. Aren't you?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Please don't hate me."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I could never hate you," said the Joxter.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He shifted to face the Muddler. "Only please, stop apologizing. I hate apologies. Every time you do it it makes me shiver."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm s - I mean...okay." The Muddler nodded slowly. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Joxter paused. "Muddler, did you - "</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>" - Yes."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"...Oh. I see."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I really an so s - I mean, I should have - at least told you, even if I wasn't sure you felt the same - I just, I never thought I'd see you again after I left the Oshun Oxtra, and listen, it wasn't easy seeing you run around with the Mymble, either - "</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Joxter took his chin in his hand and kissed him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Muddler let him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Joxter let him go, and the Muddler pulled back. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Joxter touched his face. The Muddler had never seen that much sorrow in the depth of his eyes. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No one has to know."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Muddler shook his head, near tears. "We can't. It's wrong."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"But do you still - </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh, Joxter, always! Always," said the Muddler. "I'll never forget you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I wanted you from the moment I set eyes on you," said the Joxter. "I want you still."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Muddler wiped his face on his sleeve. "I love you, Joxter."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Joxter took his hand away, and smiled slightly. "I never thought you would be the one to say it first."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Muddler smiled through his tears.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm sorry I made you cry," said the Joxter.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I thought you didn't like apologies."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'll apologize sometimes...if it's to you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Muddler pressed his forehead against his. It was almost nighttime proper now. The sky all blue and dark.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Please go," the Muddler begged him. "I need some time alone, or else I'm going to ruin everything."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Joxter knew he could have anything he wanted now. He could kiss him, make love to him, run away with him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"See you later," the Joxter said. "Give my regards to your wife."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He got up and walked away.</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
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